Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
