She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
