I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
