ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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