Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
