Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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