If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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