I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
