Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
