her vagine was all disorganized.
Soap is not a condiment
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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