um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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