im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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