Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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