its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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