Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
