So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
