I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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