Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
