thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
