do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
