these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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