i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
