I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
