If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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