i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i believe in u and ur pee
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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