drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
