Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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