just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had sex on a roof
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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