people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
