Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
