I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
