I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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