I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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