It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
