The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
