i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
