I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
