Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
