I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
