puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
