dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize