you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
