i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
