we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
