in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
