When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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