they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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