I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
