So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I love you. Go after that dick