You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They also submitted to my demands for pizza