U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
