Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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