New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
