Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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