A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
