this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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