Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
