Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My vagina is officially offended.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
