I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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