drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
