Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
