Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
