I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
