listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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