I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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