Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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