She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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