i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
