youre lurking in front of me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
