She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
