super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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