so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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